I’ve been wanting to talk about this for a while but I’ve been so stressed and worried about everything else I’ve got to do, that I just haven’t had the time or energy to write very much on my blog.
Basically, post graduate life is hard. It’s one of those things where you’ve got so used to living in your bubble for so long, and all of a sudden you’re out on your own in the big wide world, and it’s easy to feel so lost and alone. I just didn’t realise how quickly I’d feel like this, and how often I’d feel these things.
I live with three other friends who I’ve known throughout my time at university, and they’re all still part of the university bubble as they’re doing their masters, so of course I have people to talk to and socialise with. But at the same time, I’m the only one in my house who’s doing the real adult thing, and I’m sure my housemates get it, but they’ve not been through it yet, and sometimes I find I just don’t know who to talk to.
Today I had my last day working as a care assistant, and I’m not going to lie, sending in my resignation letter was a mission in itself. Last week I was so stressed trying to sort out so much, even the thought of sending in my resignation caused me stress. It got to the point where I just felt sick all the time, I didn’t really want to eat and when I did I didn’t feel great, and I felt like I wanted to be on my own when I really needed to talk to someone. But I just didn’t know what to say because I didn’t know what it was that I was thinking, or worrying about, or what the other person would say as a response.
I’m good at overthinking, but this was a whole new level. I’m glad that my job has now come to an end and I’ve got new and exciting things on the horizon, but sorting those out is equally as stressful because they’re all coming up so quickly, and now it’s just a case of me getting my butt in gear and getting organised. Today, after I finished my last shift, I sat with my housemate and had lunch, and then I tidied my room. It’s like they say, tidy room, tidy mind, right? I’m not sure how much I agree, but that in itself made me feel more productive and a bit better, and I was then able to start on all the forms and paperwork I need to fill out for numerous things.
There’s still a lot to do, and I’m feeling better about it all. But I can’t say I’m really happy right now. I’m struggling, but that’s okay. Because I know that things will get better… at least, that’s what I’m telling myself! The main thing I’m excited about now is that I will have weekends off, I’ve got a holiday in about a month and a half, I’ll be getting more and more teaching work, and of course, I’m going back to America this summer, and I’ll be going to Thailand at the end of the year. There’s a lot of things that I’m excited for, and I think I just need to get out of this “dark patch”. I feel like I’m now starting to work towards what I want to do rather than just working to pay my rent and bills.
Sorry about the rant, but I think it was needed. I just had to get my thoughts out. So, if you made it to the end… congrats! Now treat yourself to a glass of wine and a face mask. That’s what I think I need.